Friend suggested I came here to vent about things since I have been pretty stressed last few weeks since I made a big move in my life.

About a year ago I met my friend on a game we chatted just ya know goofed around talking had a good time. We slowly became friends and she became a person who I can trust with my life and she opened my eyes to a whole new world. See when we met I was involved with a girl that went bad and I was in a bad stage of depression and she helped lift me up out of those depths and start improving things.

Well this time together we created a close bond and as we learned more about each other I learned we had a lot in common. Well she started explaining things about her life to me to get to know her. Shes a part of the polyanomy world in which a person can love more than one person. Well where i came from that was never really even considered or talked about and I couldn't see myself ever being like that before I met her. We started talking and I seen so much of myself in her it made me wonder if the part of my life that was missing was the things she believes in now.

Well as we got to know eachother I we got really close. I helped her with things on her wedding we were really good friends and I noticed I had started to feel things for her. Well knowing I shouldn't I bottled those up so that it wouldn't cause problems, even tho knowing her belief I didn't she could feel that way about me. This went on for months then one night we just let things all come out for about a week and things where great.

Well few months forward things were still ok we had our ups and downs but long distance and little time made things hard and she had earlier months offered me to move there well things came up and it never happened. Then about a month ago it finally happened we planned it and planned it. 2 weeks ago finally made the move to and we now all live in the same house.

Well see problem comes in I am a shy person and I shut down easy well last 2 weeks have not been the easiest becuase I don't feel like I have my friend anymore let alone the person I care about. I know shes there but we are both having issues opening up and I been having drastic mood swings which makes things even harder.

It's just this girl was one thing to me all these months someone very special to me. Now the only time I feel we are friends is when we talk online. Things are slowly improving but its going to be a while before we are at same stage as we were online. The feelings are there still for both of us but I don't know we are having troubles progressing anything..

I am also starting to get homesickness becuase I'm barely eating, pretty lonely atm and feel lost I guess you can say at times. So here I am venting out my life for the last few months to help calm myself some maybe get some advice or opinions from people.

I just can't figure out why I can't be who I really am, why I shut myself out and isolate my friends. I am a good/funny/ outgoing person and I know it because I get along with almost everyone. So why am I so self conscious that im scared to make friends, or scared of what future may bring with the friends I do got..